The sweet sound of bubbling sparkling water breaks the surrounding stillness. Against the golden backdrop of a faded autumn sunset, the green tin glows brightly, cold to the touch and yet all too familiar. The taste of that first, heavenly sip never gets old, reminding me in its simplicity of all the good that is to be found in this big, beautiful world.

The resounding crack of a La Croix can being opened is an ordinary sound in my house, and yet also one that accompanies some of my favorite memories. One grateful drink of the bittersweet, lime flavor sends me back to long, eventful evenings in the library with sleep deprived classmates, to nights curled up on a friend’s couch surrounded by excited conversation, to long days by the lapping Lake Tahoe shores, to sunsets like these where I am accompanied only by my notebook and 2 lime essence La Croix.

While some would call my passion for sparkling water an addiction (which may have some merit), it is also something that grounds me to the present moment. Its refreshing taste makes difficult tasks like homework and studying much sweeter, and reminds me that there is something to appreciate and enjoy in every moment. For those like me who tend to spend too much time thinking about the future, we all need our own version of La Croix, something to connect us to what is happening presently.

La Croix just happens to taste wonderfully too. :)

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I have yet to unearth the perfect word to describe the kind of smile that comes helplessly, vulnerably, and delightfully to your lips when you least expect it. I love days joined by that sort of smile for it means it was a day well spent and well satisfying to my soul.

I think of myself as a relatively busy person, and so the gift of boredom during lazy summer days is well treasured. I find that the moments I have entirely and guiltlessly to myself are spent enjoying the best pursuits. It’s easy to be grateful for these summer experiences that prompt spontaneous smiling - perhaps that’s the best way to describe it. In dwelling on the approaching school year, I think I echo the sentiments of many in saying a dread of the approaching months has caused me to hold ever tighter to these last summer days.

And that is because I have unfortunately created a mindset that causes me to believe these sort of smilies to come less easily during the school year rather than acknowledging the root of the problem. I have attributed the best parts of my life to summer, contained it there in fact, rather than finding different but equal joys in the discovery of new experiences, people and knowledge or in the satisfaction that comes from solving a difficult problem or writing a challenging essay. And maybe when it is not so easy to delight in such things, I should be searching for gratitude for simpler things like seeing my friends every day and driving with my brother to school.

Summer was well needed, but I am looking forward to applying my rejuvenated soul to the task of finding joy in the ordinary business of school days. I know so many more delightfully spontaneous smiles are to come. :)

I am sitting aside a waterfall. It’s roaring does not deafen, but it is yet ever present. The high lilting of my sister’s voice travels even above the falls as the shadows of small creatures dance about my feet. The sharp flicks of fishing poles and antics of small children and shivers of aspen trees comprise only a small part of the complex web of movements surrounding me, and yet I am remarkably still. I cannot hear the gentle exhale of my breath, though I know it’s there.

In the green majesty that surrounds me, I am yet in wonder from such simple things as fingers and toes and the beautiful humans that stand just yards away. I am in awe of what it means to be alive and well and at peace.

- An excerpt from a recent journal entry while on vacation in beautiful Southern Colorado

I often giggle to myself reading my overdramatic, romantic fantasies that fill the pages of this small book that I apparently only write in when I am dwelling in emotional extremes, in this case, serenity. It is usually while I am doing something extraordinarily mundane like cleaning my room when I happen upon this book accidentally and the pages fall open to my eyes in a much different state of mind than when the pages themselves were written. I like to think it is an emotion akin to looking back at childhood pictures or remembering what your younger self found to be frightening. We look back at these younger or different versions of ourselves and laugh or perhaps cringe, but sometimes when I deeply think about it, journaling Claire has it right most of the time (though I certainly don’t know about childhood Claire).

While living in emotional extremes all the time certainly would not be healthy, why don’t we dwell in fleeting thoughts of serenity or joy or gratitude? I certainly spend way more time than I’d wish in murky feelings of regret or irritation, but how often am I stealing a few moments away to feel utterly at peace, devotedly content with myself and where I am? Not enough...

Summer is the most extraordinary time to dwell in serenity. I personally find the “Legends of the Fall” and other movie sound tracks (nerd alert, yes I’m aware) to be particularly serene and excellent background noise for contented thinking on a walk or simply sitting outside in my own backyard.

Serenity and joy and gratitude await you if only you take a few moments today to dwell in them... :)

Her ink stands out on the pages of history.
Its colors and brilliance demand to be read.

But your pages will always be a mystery.
For you were too afraid to let your colors be anything but invisible.

I think we all like to imagine ourselves as the brilliant colors on the pages of history. At the least we aspire to reach this point. But the funny thing is that aspirations and dreams never made anybody stand out on the page. It takes the action of writing our stories painstakingly through trying new things and making mistakes and failing and attempting it all over again to be remembered.

I am not unlike everyone else in wishing to be the bold ink across the pages of history. But I am deathly afraid of failure. When I let this consume my actions, my ink becomes invisible. It blends in with the white, boring page of what everyone else is doing.

To be written on the pages of history, we have to write our own stories instead of letting society write our predictable endings. Dreams stay the fantasies of our imagination until we write them into action. We have to pick up our own pen and choose a different color, a different story of our lives, and take a chance on new things.

When we are afraid of failure, we become like everyone else, invisible in a way. Few people can say that they clearly stood out on the pages of history. And that wasn’t because they stood back and let their stories be written for them.

I have a love/hate relationship with social media. Instagram has simultaneously kept me in touch with cousins who live across the country and friends whom I otherwise may have never seen again, while also managing to deliver me the worst self esteem and self confidence I have ever experienced in my life. Snapchat helped me make the transition from a nerd in the corner with a book to a mildly social and modern American teen albeit still nerdy while also giving me way too much information about people’s lives and teaching me exactly why I don’t want to be a social and modern American teen.

You gotta love the 21st century.

Social media gave me one final thing that I absolutely did not need: comparison. When you open any social media app, you see perfectly smiling, edited, acne-less faces with beautiful friends or in beautiful settings. If you check Instagram/Facebook/snapchat accounts at night or by yourself on the couch as I do typically, you kind of start to despise those people as you scroll through their themed and excellently manicured feeds. You strongly dislike them, but at the same time they have the kind of power over you that no one needs to have in anybody else’s hands: the power of comparison. If you are as sensitive as I am, I can predict what thoughts go through your head: they are so pretty, their group of friends is so cute, how is she so photogenic, I can’t believe she goes on these amazing vacations all the time, they are smart and talented and beautiful all at the same time, why is their life so amazing, and finally here’s the real killer, why am I not more like them.

Why am I not more like them? It’s quite bluntly one of the worst questions you could ask yourself. Society always blabs at us “be unique”, “be different”, “be special”, but somehow we all seem to want the same things: to be attractive, seen as successful, surrounded by people we care about, and loved. And society tells us there are only a few ways to go about doing that. So we all try to reach for ultimately the same things and we love to share our success stories with the world. But our failures? They stay in that one drawer of clothes you never wear and never show to the world.

We’ve been told this thousands of times, so I’m just going to gloss over it, but comparing yourself to all of your friends success stories on social media is only going to make you feel worse about yourself. I’m perhaps one of the biggest hypocrites in the world because I am one of the worst “comparers” I know. It’s almost sickeningly addicting, looking at the perfected images of all the people in my life and the successes they have had or are currently living.

I have known for a long time that social media and comparing myself to the people I follow is ultimately bad for me. But I learned another lesson today (the hard way of course... how else are the best lessons learned?) that while it’s never healthy to compare, understanding the way other people live is important because it gives us perspective. I led a retreat today and had the opportunity to speak with a young middle school girl. For her own privacy, I won’t share the specific troubles she is facing, but I will say they are far beyond the kind of suffering any child should face at the age of 12.

This experience helped me to realize that we cannot completely ignore the rest of the world in attempts to prevent comparing ourselves to others because how else do we gain the understanding and perspective which broadens the way in which we are able to view the world? And yet, in this quest of understanding and being enlightened of the human condition, how do we ensure that we don’t lose ourselves along the way due to the insecurities of comparisons? It’s a question I quite honestly can’t answer, so I’ll leave it to your own musings... :)

​To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson ​

Like some breaths come easier than others, some words are written easier than others. Bear with me, as these are the words difficult to express. 

Enduring the betrayal of false friends is one of the most difficult experiences we as the human species come across during our lifetimes. In poetry and music, heartbreak from the loss of a lover or significant other is commonly talked about. Much less discussed is the heartbreak that comes from losing a friend. 

It hurts in a different part of our heart. It isn't the soul-shattering, exploding pain that comes from breaking up with someone we passionately loved. It's a slow ache that builds over a long time, ebbing and flowing. But it hurts all the same. Friendship is an investment in a way. You put time and effort into a person that accumulates in many different means. We all invest different things: money, possessions, care, words. But the most important thing we invest is our time. We spend long nights with our friends on the phone after their breakups. We slave for hours creating and finding the perfect Christmas or birthday present. We are there for them when they are at their lowest and highest. We do this first and foremost because we love them, and we love the time we spend with them and for them, the good and the bad. For we've chosen them, all of them, both the virtues and the flaws. But we also invest in a friend, because deep down we want them to be there for us when it is our turn to struggle through a breakup or difficult time. We need people we can count on to love us and care for us when we need them the most. While we like to deny it, we all require companionship. We'd go crazy without each other. 

That's why it hurts all the more when those we have counted on and invested in are not there for us. It's a punch in the gut on top of the wounds we are already experiencing. It makes you question yourself for trusting someone who turned out to only hurt you in the end, and it darkens the happy times you spent together because looking back, you recognize it all to be a lie. It's a betrayal of the deepest kind, and most of us never forget it. The pain stays with you and affects your ability to trust and believe in the future friends that ultimately always come along. 

This is why I believe Emerson considers it such a crucial part of success: to endure the betrayal of false friends. It is only when we have experienced pain of this kind and yet go forward through life with laughter on our lips that we truly have lived. While losing friends hurts like nothing else, it is also a learning experience and allows us to choose better friends in the future. The worst experiences I have had in losing friends have allowed me to find the friends later I know will have for a long time. When you make a dramatic mistake once, you never make the same one again. 

So to those experiencing or who have experienced the betrayal of false friends, know it is a part of life and a part of the road to reaching success and joy. Thank the ones who have hurt your heart in this way. You would never have become the greater person you are today or found your true friends without them. 

To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


The meaning of success is an ambiguous term. We all seek to live successful lives, just by different definitions of the term itself. In our modern, western society, success is often equivocated with money or degrees or the people you associate with. But with everything I do, I seek to challenge this in every regard.

I grew up with this quote on the wall of my grandmother's house, and I would whisper it to myself every time I saw it because it had such power. Words can be like that. When used correctly, they have the power to change lives. And these words in particular have changed and defined my life. In many ways, they embody all that I aspire to be. I am thus dedicating the next couple blog posts to discuss the meaning I personally have found abounding in this quote. 

We have made success too complicated. Some of the people who are the most successful in my eyes are the parents that have raised children to be kind adults. Their life accomplishments will not go down in any hall of fame, but will live on in the people they have left on this earth. To look at this in another light, just because you become the president of a country or a CEO doesn't mean you have lived a successful life. This is why the words to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived are so powerful. 

How many of us can say that we have made others' lives easier because of our presence and actions on this earth? Not as many as we would like to imagine. A name on a cold, lifeless plaque or trophy is truly nothing compared to repairing a living, breathing human heart. To those who have been graced with easy and steady breathing, remember all those whose breaths come in short, quick gasps. Their hearts are all worth helping or saving. To those whose breaths are unsure or weak, help always finds a way in many shapes or forms to those who ask for it. We all know what it is like to struggle for every breath in this smoky world. And we have all easily filled our lungs with the clean air our world can also occasionally provide. 

So instead of judging your success based on test scores, job titles, followers on instagram, wealth, or fame, judge it upon the lives you have changed. It's not always as dramatic as saving someone from the brink of suicide. Sometimes it's sitting with someone who needs a friend. Sometimes it's smiling at a stranger. Regardless, we'll never fully know the impact we have had on others until we are among the legions of guardian angels. So until we are, make a promise to yourself for your own sake and for others, to make someone else breath a little easier. 

​It's the little things that bring us the success our hearts are truly longing for.