Today I received news that was neither good nor bad, which presented me with a marvelous opportunity: a choice.
A choice to chose how to let this impact me, a choice to view the world in a positive or negative way, a choice to decide upon a perspective, a choice of how to think or even to feel about it.
What a marvelous place to be in.
From first glance, today was a disaster. My plans didn’t work out as intended, I let down some people who are important to me, and I experienced a crippling feeling of helpless frustration and melancholy most of the day.
And yet, it's 12 pm. I'm sitting on my couch with a smile on my face and a pen in my hand. It is a beautiful reminder that every day - good or bad - presents us with this choice to make something wonderful out of bad events.
Unfortunately I make the wrong choice most of the time. Like any other sensitive, overdramatic, motivated and yet paralyzingly overthinking teenage girl, sometimes I just like to dwell in what I call the vortex.
Sometimes it's just too easy!
I take a strange kind of cathartic pleasure from rewinding my mistakes, sorrows, general complaints and misfortunes. It validates the dissatisfaction I so often feel with myself, and sometimes it fuels small bursts of creative inspiration like this one. And so my mindset often has become less of a conscious choice, and more of an embarrassing habit of falling into self-deprecating tendencies.
My mental state at the end of today was not totally a choice, but I think rather a heavenly gift to me as a reminder that every day has a potential for good. Today's good was handed to me.
Tomorrow's may not be.
And yet tomorrow is a gift in and of itself, and always I have the gift to choose what to make of it.
This was a recent journal entry of mine, and ironically the day following it was one of the most challenging days of the past few months. In the midst of some of the greatest emotional rawness I've felt in a long time, I rediscovered the necessity of writing for my soul and for my life, and as this new year and more change approaches, I am recommitting myself to the vulnerability that grounds me to who I am.
Ever grateful to any soul that reads this,